in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
