What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
