Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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