"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
