If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
