I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
