Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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