apparently the secret to your success is patron
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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