Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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