I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
