Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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