I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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