Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
