I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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