planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
