I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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