Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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