eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
