i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
