: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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