marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
