My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
