He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
