does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
