And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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