well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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