i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
