Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
