apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
