It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
