I wannas sexs uuuuu
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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