You smell like a Billy Joel song
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
