what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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