Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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