Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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