yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
