Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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