I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
