It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
