thus making me awesome and them whores
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
