ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
