There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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