i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
