I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
