I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
