i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
