two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
