Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
