Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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