Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
