apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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