are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
