That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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