I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
