I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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