Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
