After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
