I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i came on her dog
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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