I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
