You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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