Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
did you just send me my own nude
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
