508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
