I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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