craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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