we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
