I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
