how can u be prego again
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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