I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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