Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
