I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The feeling are messing with the penis
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
