lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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