God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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