Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My cat gives me a boner
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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